The soft sand, the gentle crashing sound of the waves, the warm sun: A trip to the beach always sounds like a good idea, but if you bring your children with you, don’t count on fitting in much relaxation.
Between fighting with the 900 collapsible rods in the beach tent, fulfilling nonstop snack requests and fishing sand out of places you didn’t even know sand could go, you may need a day off to recover from your day at the beach.
Here, the funny parents of X (formerly Twitter) describe in painfully accurate detail what it’s like to parent at the ocean’s edge.
Advertisem*nt
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) July 23, 2019I'm trying to force 3 kids to get ready to go the beach which they "HATE AND DONT WANT TO DO," so that in four hours I can tear them away from the beach which they "LOVE AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE TO GO HOME TO OUR STUPID HOUSE!"
Parenting us fun.
Finally made it to the beach! Now just 17 quick trips back to the car to grab floaties, towels, an umbrella, the cooler...
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 25, 2021
The only thing worse than listening to your kids whining at the beach is listening to their friend whine at the beach.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) August 19, 2022
As I buried my child in the sand at the beach, I realized I have matured so much as a parent but not enough to not give them sand-boobs.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 24, 2019
Advertisem*nt
So glad I took my 5yo to the beach so he could tell me it's too sandy.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) August 26, 2022
It’s dad law that if you encounter a group of children building a sand castle at the beach, you have to ask them if they have the appropriate permits.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 14, 2022
I enjoy long walks on the beach digging my toes in the sand, as I carry my child (beach chairs, popup tent, cooler) mid-tantrum over a dropped ice cream cone & salt water in her eyes while she kicks, filling my backseat with enough sand to create our own private beach. #summer
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) July 30, 2019
Saw a parenting “hack” that said to bring a laundry basket to the beach to put towels in to shake out the sand. What parent can possibly carry one more thing to the beach with kids? They may as well have suggested bringing a portable washing machine.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 17, 2023
◦
Vacation, Day 2:
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 25, 2021
Celebrate finding a great parking spot at the beach. Car is unloaded, umbrella is up, everyone is slathered in spf 50. Just settling into my comfy beach chair w/ beer in hand — ahh it’s gonna be a great d…. “Daddy I gotta go poopoo.”
Advertisem*nt
That awkward moment when you finally get to the beach with your kids and you realize that after getting them all ready and carrying all that stuff you're ready to go home.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 16, 2022
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 1, 2019Kid 1: *crying bc sunscreen is in his eye*
Kid 2: *crying bc she has sand in her hair*
Kid 3: *crying bc flies are biting her*
Me: Alright, kids, I think it’s time we leave the beach.
Also kids: ALREADY?!?
Almost beach time! Can anyone recommend a good book to lay open face down in the sand while I adjust children's goggle straps for four hours?
— The Dad (@thedad) May 23, 2019
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 23, 20218yo: Did you know there are 7 quintillion 500 quadrillion grains of sand on the Earth?
11yo: Not counting the grains of sand that fell off your butt after we went to the beach.
Word.
Teenager, “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do here.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 29, 2018
Me *spends entire paycheck on a trip to the beach*
Teenager, “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do here.”
Me *hurls self into ocean*
Advertisem*nt
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) March 4, 2019Husband: "I wonder if we should try and take the kids on a beach trip this summer?"
Me: "Ok, close your eyes."
H: *closes eyes*
Me: *turns on both kid's sound machines to "waves" and proceeds to scream, cry, throw things at him and shove sand down his pants.*
I AM GOING TO BUILD SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH S! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS IT! —my 4yo, at the beach
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) July 6, 2023
Packing for a 4 days beach trip for me, my husband, a preschooler and a baby and it legit took me 3.5 hours. I think I moved out of my college dorm faster than this tbh
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 5, 2024
Any house is a beach house once my kids dust the sand off their swimming costumes
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 14, 2022
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of relaxing on the beach you can keep sand out of their mouth while I blow up a raft and they ask if there is a pool.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 18, 2019
Advertisem*nt
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) July 14, 2018Me as a mom of one infant: Oh My God, wouldn’t it be SO adorable if we went to the beach?
Me as a mom of two infants and one 3 YO: Oh My God, wouldn’t it be SO stupid if we went to the beach?
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) April 17, 2019Friend: You should get family pictures of you guys on the beach!
*What I hear*
Take my feral children to the beach for family pictures so I can listen to my kids cry bc 1 ate sand and 4 wants to poke a dead jellyfish. Then my husband and I water down our drinks with our tears.
I took the kids to the beach today and let me tell you, it aged me terribly
— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) July 29, 2021
7: (at the beach) I don’t like my feet to be all sandy, Mom.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 24, 2021
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) May 28, 2022My teenager wore jeans and a black T-shirt to the beach.
That’s it that’s, the tweet.
Advertisem*nt
Take your kids to the beach so they can say things like "I don't want to touch water", "where are the good snacks" and "is this sand in my penis"
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) June 26, 2022
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) July 28, 2019Ode to the Beach:
Sand sand, lots of fun
Sun and surf for everyoneSand sand, dig it up
With a shovel, with a cupSand sand, near and far
In the backseat of my carSand sand, everywhere
In my crack and in my hair
You don’t realize how stereotypically “mom” you’ve become until you realize how much you’re willing to pay for a shaded spot on the beach.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) September 25, 2018
Beach vacations are awesome if you’re looking for a more scenic backdrop for your toddler’s tantrums.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 12, 2018
5yo: Is this the beach with the COLD water?
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) October 2, 2021
Me: It’s the same ocean no matter where we go, bud.
5: pic.twitter.com/PKFxsB9zUv
Advertisem*nt
Let's go to the beach so the seagulls can steal the kids' sandwiches while we yell at the kids to wash sandy hands so they can eat- oops...
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 20, 2017
I’m taking my kids to the beach tomorrow and there’s already sand in my purse.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 4, 2021
7% of divorces are caused by a husband clipping his nails while a wife gets everything ready for family day at the beach.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) June 30, 2019
You may ask yourself, “Was the 1 1/2 hr prep time, the 2 hr round trip, the hr of schlepping the wagon full of our bags for the beach, the splash pad & the park really worth the 30 minutes of uninterrupted sun time I got while husband played with the toddler?” The answer is YES.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) August 26, 2018
My 7yo told us she loves everything about our beach vacation except for the beach.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 4, 2023
Advertisem*nt
Vacations are great if you want to hear your kids complain about the same things they always complain about, but near a beach.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 2, 2023
Spent 10 minutes at the beach and came home with a lifetime supply of sand to remember it by.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 25, 2023
